Saturday, 21 March 2015

Escape from pain

I want to cry, cry really badly.
He wants me to support him,
For the things I want to run away from.
Deep inside, it stings, of all the things he does.
Why never with me?
Is that girl, better than I am?
Every time I think,
I feel like I could have done something more,
Or maybe different.
I hate how I'm still in despair.
No matter how much I recover,
This all still comes crawling back,
With more pain than ever.
I can't wait to run away,
From all of this.
This damsel weeps inside, lost than ever. 

Friday, 13 March 2015

What do you do when the person you once loved with all your heart, has become so painful to you.
That you slowly force yourself to not care anyone more, yet it is so scary?
For whenever I try express and let my heart out, with a lot of thinking,
It is misunderstood and taken in way that angers him.
Why must I tolerate the symbol who was the root cause to the hurtful five months?
So I have conveyed my thoughts, about my discomfort,
He gets annoyed for I have pinpointed at his so called "innocent" girl.
Why must I back down? I don't have anything else to lose.
I'm just portraying my emotions, not a crime at all.
I'm not the same, I have changed and I won't let anything ruin the most meaningful things to me. 

Thursday, 5 March 2015

Secret

This blog is my secret, a secret that no one shall know.
I want to be known as Shoka Demeana, other than my alter ego.
Hopefully I shall pour myself out, without being identified.
Since I do not want people to connect the real me with the inner self of mine.
I don't know how long this will go on till.
I really crave for something bright in my life.
All I witness are bumps and potholes.
But I feel shameful for ranting, but I need a place.

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Being Shoka Demeana

No one shall know who I really am.
I hope people do not connect the dots,
Because I don't want them to identify me,
with my problems.

That is why I am Shoka Demeana,
To a name that pens down my inner emotions.
"Shoka" means sorrow in Sanskrit.
Obviously, you all must be knowing what "demean" stands for.

Maybe some day, I shall jot down the main source of this misery.
It's the root cause, which later on created a stem and later on the branches.
There are now various sub parts to this feeling now.

Keeping it in

I weep inside, no one knows.
I bottle things up now. I have become more reserved.
I feel like no one understands me, nor can I explain this excruciating emotion.
I don't want to burden others and keep on talking about it.
After sometime, people will get sick and won't care.
So, I am taking precaution of not saying anything at all.

I feel lonely and hurt. When I try to make myself happy,
I try really hard and it works for a week or so.
But, something, always, small or big, however significant,
Just hits me so hard every time. I fall again. I feel bad.
I am hurt, I can't get rid of it.
That's why I am waiting to get out, so I can run away.
Hypothetically and metaphorically, of course.